Hormone Horror
by Mrs. Elizabeth Gibbs
Summary: A pre-series jealousy!fic that's really more of a crack!fic. Abbey thinks Jed is cheating, rings are thrown, divorce is threatened, and then they have a baby. An OC is mildly introduced that will probably come up again. One-shot.


A/N: Honestly, this is really a crack!fic more than anything else; not meant to be taken all that seriously. This came from a prompt from Libby, and I had way too much fun with it. I also enjoy writing pregnant!Abbey way too much.

Laugh, smile- it's Friday!

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of The West Wing; Theresa Gold is my OC that I may use in future stories.

* * *

She missed seeing her feet.

She hadn't seen her feet in nearly four months, and with another week left before she could, she was getting frustrated.

And she had no idea where her husband was, and she wanted him to rub her ankles.

Sighing, Abbey Bartlet rose from the couch where she'd been pretending to read and stretched her back, wobbling slightly as her balance was thrown off. Nearly nine months pregnant, and she still hadn't gotten the hang of it yet.

She had, however, gotten used to the constant pain in her lower back that had taken up residence somewhere in the trimester and only grown bigger and more intense as the weeks went by. She was ready to go into labor and meet this baby; it had been a long nine months.

She wondered idly if he was with Theresa; he'd been spending a lot of time with her best friend from grade school the past few weeks.

The thought made her pause; that was a long time for Jed to spend with someone he hadn't known before their marriage.

Theresa Gold was a lawyer, prominent in the state of New Hampshire for being a buddy prosecutor. She was beautiful; thick blonde hair that lived up to her last name, and large blue eyes that were expressive and framed with thick, long lashes. And, she had a thin, trim waist from runing every morning.

That was something Abbey definitely didn't have any more, looking down at her rounded bellly and swollen hands.

Her eyes narrowed, and she shook her head. Jed wouldn't cheat on her with her _best friend_, especially if she was nine months pregnant with _his_ child.

Right?

Then she suddenly wasn't so sure. It had been over three weeks without sex; she felt too big and bulky, and definitely not attractive. Jed hadn't seemed mad, though; he couldn't seem to get enough of just touching her, especially her abdomen. He talked to the baby every night; it was part of their ritual for bed.

But he'd had lunch with Theresa almost every day for the past two and a half weeks, for over an hour. It wasn't as though he was lying to her about it; Theresa had told her the same, and it seemed innocent enough.

Unless that was part of it; pulling one over and her, cheating right in front of her face and her not even realizing it. She felt her cheeks burning as she worked herself up, convincing herself something was happening behind her back.

"That son of a bitch," she said, shaking her head angrily and trying to calm down; she knew raising her blood pressure wouldn't be good for the baby.

She could not believe her husband was cheating on her.

She was still pissed when she went upstairs to shower; she hoped the hot water would cool her off some. She needed to take a nap; maybe there'd be a logical explanation when she woke up.

Needless to say, the hot water did nothing to calm her down. She got out of the shower carefully, drying off and dressing in a pair of comfortable sweat pants that were loose against her belly and a t-shirt that smelled like Jed. She hated herself for it, but she knew she'd never be able to fall asleep without it, and the scent calmed the baby down enough so that she could take a nap.

She curled up under the covers, next to the pillow that smelled like him too, and let herself cry until she fell asleep.

* * *

She was disoriented when she was awoken by a gentle, warm hand.

"It's almost five, babe. You gotta get up or else you won't sleep tonight."

That was Jed's voice.

Jed who was cheating on her.

With her best friend.

"Abbey, sweetheart."

She opened her eyes, finding his floating above her- warm, soft blue. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, still dressed in his teaching outfit; buttoned shirt, sweater, khakis.

"Have a nice nap?" he asked, a smile curving his face. She tried to fight off the sleepy part of her brain that said she was overreacting and he couldn't be cheating; it was too coincidental that he wasn't.

"Did you have lunch with Theresa today?" she asked in return, watching him as he pulled his sweater over his head, starting on the buttons of his shirt.

"Yeah- in fact-"

She cut him off with a swift jerk of her hand, getting out of bed awkwardly and folding her arms, glaring.

"So how long have you been cheating on me?" she asked, watching as his mouth dropped open and his eyes widened. Ah, she'd caught him off-guard, good. "And with my best friend, to boot."

"Abbey, why on earth would I cheat on you?" he asked, incredulity lining his face. "And what makes you think I am, or ever would?"

"Lunch with her every day for almost three weeks? What other explanation is there?" Abbey asked, voice rising slightly as the hysteria took over. "She's beautiful, Jed- thin and pretty and happy and not incredibly pregnant! Certainly she's in a much better state than I am currently- I can't even _wear_ my wedding ring anymore!"

She yanked the chain she'd kept it on since her fingers had gotten too swollen for her to wear it on her finger over her head, flinging it at him. He looked stunned, catching the golden bands when she threw them, clearly not understanding what was happening.

"Abbey, baby, what are you-"

"I want a divorce after the baby is born," she spat before leaving the room, hearing him call after her.

She descended the stairs awkwardly, cursing the pregnancy and Jed and everything. She heard him on the stairs behind her, pleading with her and flatly denying any involvement with Theresa. She rounded the corner and-

-the makings of a huge baby shower were spread out in front of her.

"Oh," she said quietly, feeling Jed come up behind her, touching her lower back lightly.

"This is what I've been doing for three weeks with Theresa, Abbey," he said, and she nodded weakly. He frowned, concern coloring his eyes. "Honey what's wrong?"

"My water just broke," she said hoarsely, the liquid pooling at her feet. Jed's eyes widened, looking fearful. "Jed, we have to get to the hospital."

"Right," he said, though he looked like his brain had short-curcuited. Abbey grabbed his chin, refocusing him.

"My bag is upstairs. Go get it. I'm going to sit down, and wait for you here," she said, and he nodded once before running up the stairs. She moved to the couch, catching her breath; the contractions she'd been putting off as Braxton-Hicks were coming at her full-force.

Jed was back a minute later; he had her back and a pair of shoes for her, which she let him put on her gratefully.

"I'm sorry I yelled. And thought you were cheating," she said, gripping his arm as he walked her to the door. "Can I have my rings back?"

He was chuckling when he got her into the car.

* * *

Hours later, Abbey was exhausted, but content.

Elizabeth Anne Bartlet had been born at 4:07 am, a relatively quick labor, her doctor said. She hadn't said anything, but her body disagreed whole-heartedly with the man.

Jed was over the moon. She could see it in the way he held Elizabeth, the way he looked at her, the way he boasted to the nurses that _his_ daughter was the first birth of the day.

"So, still wanna divorce me?" he asked, though there was humor in his voice. She glared, cheeks coloring in embarrassment.

"I'm blaming hormones and we're dropping the subject; your daughter can hear us," she said, jutting her chin towards the bassinet where Elizabeth was asleep. She had thick, dark hair, and blue eyes like Jed. She was absolutely perfect, and Abbey was still reveling in the fact that she was their's. "Can you bring her to me?"

Jed was only too pleased to hold his daughter again; picking her up carefully he transferred her into Abbey's arms, sitting on the edge of the bed as his wife stroked their daughter's tiny fist.

"She's perfect," Abbey said softly, bending her head to kiss Elizabeth's forehead gently. Jed murmured in agreement, resting his hand on the other side of Abbey's legs on the bed, leaning forward to press his own kiss to his wife's forehead, followed soon by a kiss to Elizabeth's hair. "Theresa is going to kill me."

"She thinks it's hilarious," Jed said, and Abbey's eyes widened in surprise. "I called her to tell her about Liz, and to make sure no one went to our house for a baby shower we wouldn't be at. She wants you to call her as soon as you're up for it."

"_That's_ certainly going to be an interesting phone call," Abbey said quietly, adjusting the baby as she woke up, fussing around and nudging Abbey's chest. "Are you hungry, sweet girl?"

"I'm just gonna keep it all stored away to torture you with at a later date," Jed said simply, grinning evily as he helped Abbey set herself up to nurse their daughter. "You know how much I love you?"

"I have a broad idea," she replied with a cheeky grin, bestowing a kiss to his cheek as she began to feed Elizabeth. "I love you too, Jethro."

"Don't call me that."

"I think I will."


End file.
